Tobias Gavran

I give to you, the story of Thor McLeod. Spoilers might occur!

(Queue: Princes of the Universe by Queen)


You'd think this guy would excrete lightning bolts, but you'd be wrong. He's just an all-out Gary Stu!

The setting

Gary lives in the Ring, a circular patch of earth surrounded by the Canyon. Think ASOIAF's The Wall, but round and in the form of a magical ditch. 
The ring is divided in two: West and East. The Western Kingdom of the Ring is ruled by the MacGils who often find themselves at war with the McCloud. King MacGil has a sword...
The Destiny Sword® casts an energy shield around the Ring that protects people from the empire of the Wilds... One day, someone will grab the sword (because nobody can hoist it) and defeat the savages, and there will be no more wars.

Yes. The Destiny Sword is both the Holy Grail and Excalibur.

People often find themselves in the forest… There are talks of the Highlands… But we find magical lions and leopards, and I have a hard time believing I’d find any in Scotland.

I always though Mac and Mc stood for the same thing, you’re welcome to correct me if I’m wrong.

The main character

Gary has a bit of a bible motif to him in my opinion. He begins as a shepherd… He wields a sling… He gets extra juice when he prays? And honestly I don’t get that last part. Religion seems to have no incidence whatsoever in this world. There is no church, no priest… There’s a Druid! And here I thought the Celtic faith was polytheistic, silly me!

Gary has always dreamt of becoming a real boy a member of the Silver, the elite royal force. But first, he has to become a member of the Legion. There’s only one problem, he is the youngest and smallest of four sons. He looks nothing like his siblings. His brothers mock him. His father despises him. And I have no idea what his father is… Gary keeps sheep for a living. His brothers however are equipped with the finest weapons, and train every day, and are meant to enter the legion. I mean… Before Gary was born, who kept the sheep? Anyway… Picture Cinderella with swords! (And it’s really about how they look and not about how they fight.)

But Gary is a very special snowflake. He will just hit about anything with his sling. Oh, and he has never-seen before strength and the power of healing and he meets the royal druid out of nowhere because one of his sheep wondered in the Darkwoods and… Spare me!

It’s the story of a fourteen year-old boy who will have it all because he has a “warrior’s spirit”. I mean… The Ring people must be cursed cowards because it seems so incredible this kid is a tiny bit stubborn. At one point, he gets congratulated by the King and the Silver because he has saved one of his mates…

I mean… The guy becomes a Legionnaire (you’ll get that from reading the first pages alone, no spoilers there) and he gets a ceremony for helping a fellow man. Does that mean that no one in the King’s freakin’ army ever does this? It’s so unbelievably awesome that he gets to stay at court despite being a commoner? Do other people in the army stabs their companions or what? (Not to mention the fact that he went alone and without support, only to get his ass beaten to the ground and saved by a better man… He gets rewarded for being a careless, reckless idealist. Because that’s bravery. Getting yourself killed is bravery!)

The message

Oh, my… This part is broken in my opinion. The Druid is an old man who speaks in riddles, because that’s what wise people do, right? It doesn’t work. I want to slap the cursed Druid in the face. I want to cut his beard with an axe like that of a certain Maester.

“Your destiny was already written. But it is up to you to choose it.”

I mean, there is a nice script and all, but if you want to improvise, go ahead fellow! Oh, but wait… He hasn’t read the script. How exactly do you chose whether or not you want to follow the path that was designed for you if you can’t even see the freakin’ path? No Destiny. No Future. What is punk may never die!

King MacGil decides who his successor will be. It’s not primogeniture, no, it’s who-I-pick-geniture. This is a spoiler, since this is from the end of the book, but I’ll incorporate it anyway.

The King talking to his daughter about his choice to make her his heiress: “Your lack of knowledge, your naïveté – that is what will make you great. You will make genuine decisions.”

Yes, you read that right. She will be a good ruler because she won’t know what the fudge she’ll be doing! Of course… Stewardship? Who needs to care about gold? Strategy? Who needs to care about war plans? Politics? Who needs to know what might make people revolt or stab you in the back?

Good plan, MacGil! Good job, even.

Overall

I will not rate this book because I also write and I think the star-rating-system is probably used in algorithms and whatnots. If I were to rate it, it would be a single star, however.

Anyone who has ever read Fantasy, ever seen anything remotely attached to Fantasy shouldn’t bother with this book.

Major spoiler: This book has neither a proper plot, neither a proper ending! It’s just “what happens”.